I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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