Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
