smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
