Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize