Are we in a gay sports bar?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
