you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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