my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
