i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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