Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
