I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
