my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
