Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
