highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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