i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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