3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
