Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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