Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
