walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
