When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
