So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
