chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
