I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
