he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
