My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
