I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
