So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
