This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just gift wrapped bread.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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