it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
