I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
