It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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