Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
