An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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