Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
