"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize