i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well I just put wine in my tea
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So vagazzling was a success
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
