Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
