she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
