I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
