Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
