A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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