Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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