I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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