the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
