let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
