you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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