Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
