I wanna passion pit in your ass
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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