doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
