I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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