Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
