soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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