i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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