Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
