my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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