Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize