Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
