My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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