I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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