How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
