a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love you.
Bad choice
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
