I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
