I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
