I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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