Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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