I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
