First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
