So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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