He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
