I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
