Non-Jews are for practice
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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