My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
