I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
