Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
