Just cropdusted the office
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize