I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
