He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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