I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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