oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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