i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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