I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drunk is not a location!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
