You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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