chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
