my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
