grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
