so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
