I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
