i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
