Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
