Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
