Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
