how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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