I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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