i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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