When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
