The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
