some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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