Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
