i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
