yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I puked a lego.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize