Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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